Bob You Have Cancer

Philadelphia is a nice place. The University of Pennsylvania is even nicer, with all its history and intellectual stimuli. The view from the 7th floor of any building on campus has a view that is awesome. You can see the city skyline, Franklin Field, or just the hustle and bustle of city or college life. The building I was in was an older building on the campus of Uof P. This building was the Hospital of the University of Pennsylvania, in Philadelphia, PA. I was there for thoracic surgery to remove a benign thymoma mass under the sternum.

It was December 6, 1999. It was a nice day. An early day that started with my family leaving for the hospital at 4:00 AM. At that time of day, a city is calm with anticipation of a great day ahead. I remember arriving at the hospital, just feeling very comfortable with my family with me. Once I got to the prep area for surgery, I got a little teary eyed leaving my family behind. The Lord was good; he gave some opportunities to joke around with the nurses, doctors and another patient who was also being prepped for surgery. The other patient was having a lung removed. I remember talking with him about how difficult it must be to have a lung removed, but God is in control and God also hangs around operating rooms. He said that at least I have another lung. It certainly made me feel some peace to know that my surgery would be minor compared to this man’s situation. I was ready for surgery. The anesthetist came in and I told him he reminds me of some of my preacher friends. He asks, was it because of my sincere approach. I said no, it is because you put people to sleep. Anyway, it was now time for surgery. Everything is going great and actually somewhat exciting.

Three o’clock that afternoon I began to wake up. A Doctor was there and started to talk with me. He said there is good news and some not so good news. The good news is that you made it through surgery fine, the bad news is that you have CANCER. Right away, he started to try to console me by stating it probably a very treatable type of cancer. The diagnosis was Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. As he was trying to soft pedal difficult news, I said, Doc, it’s okay. I would rather have cancer and be in God’s will than healthy and out of his will. I wish I could say that from that point on I was a giant of faith, but as time passed, it was not always that way.

As I became more awake, I realized that I couldn’t breathe and felt as though I was suffocating. The frenetic nerve, which controls the diaphragm, was damaged by the surgery and the cancerous tumor. With the discomfort of post-surgery pain and not being able to breathe, coupled with cancer, it was a very difficult hospital stay. After, discharge, I could not sleep or even lay down in bed. I slept standing up for two weeks. There were times were I felt close to God and there were times that I questioned God. There were times when I felt peace and there were times when I felt angry. There were times when I felt support and there were times that I felt alone. There were times when I knew God would use this experience in my life and there were times that I wanted to die. I can remember thinking as I was watching TV that everyone is going to die. As a matter of fact, there as good as dead already. What is the point of living if you’re only going to die anyway. Yet, as difficult as some moments were, there was still an overriding sense that the Lord loves you and cares for you and will work this out for the good, if you just let him. So, I would often pray, Lord, whatever I have to go through it’s okay, just don’t let me miss the lessons you are trying to teach me.

After a period of convalescence, I had to meet with the cancer doctor for staging and treatment options. The oncologist said I was Stage II / Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. He said that means that we can treat you with chemo and possible radiation and you will have a good chance of beating this cancer. Sounded good to me. It was like getting the flu. I would take the strong medication and in a couple of weeks, I would be fine. That is exactly how it started, but it wouldn’t take long for things to change, and not necessarily for the better.

I recall my first day of chemotherapy. I had little understanding of what it would be like to go through. I had read and researched on the internet massive amounts of information on the topic, but nothing prepares you for exactly what the experience will be like. Will I get sick? Will I lose my hair? Will I lose that great sense of humor? Just what will I be like in a couple of months? They were valid question for sure, but no one could answer them sufficiently. As I proceeded with my first chemo treatment, I felt pretty good. Everybody was very pleasant, and the 5 hours flew by quickly. On the way home, I was hunger and decided to take along some of those tasty Philadelphia pretzels. The next day I felt very good. I remember saying chemo not that bad if you just stay positive.

Then about three days later, things changed quickly. I began to have tremendous abdominal pain. We were in constant contact with my cancer Doctor, but as time went on the pain was so bad, I had to go to the hospital. My wife started to drive to the local hospital, but at the last second decided we might be better off going to University of Pennsylvania to see my oncologist. A move at the time seems odd because of the severity of the pain. By the time we got to Philadelphia, about an hour drive, I was in so much pain I could not get out of the car. Assistance came and hurried me to the Doctor’s Office. He looked at an x-ray and me and stated immediately that he knew what the problem was. The chemo had frozen my entire intestinal tract, there was absolutely no movement, due to a reaction to the chemo drug vinblastine. The secom portion of my GI tract was just about to rupture. Within 7 minutes I was in the OR with 5 doctors working on me and preparing for emergency surgery. If that ruptures, we will have a very serious, serious problem, stated my oncologist. I was in so much severe pain that I couldn’t comprehend much of what was happening. Yet with my wife by my side, and praying, the Lord seems to have a way to let you know that it’s okay. Whatever happens over the next couple of hours or days, I am with you. I am in the OR. I am in the operating room. I am in your hospital room, even after visiting hours. A fact that would become important a couple of days later.

After several frantic minutes of doctors working on me, it appeared as tough the size of the Secom had decreased about a centimeter. Generally, not a lot, but in my case one centimeter in the right direction was great news. I was sent to a room on one of the cancer floors and was being monitored constantly. I was having abdominal x-rays every 2 hours I was not permitted to have any intake at all. The only nourishment I had for almost a week was an IV drip. They wouldn’t even allow me to have ice chips until they heard sounds in my GI tract. It took a lot of work, and procedures, but after 5 days, they finally heard sounds. I never thought hearing a stomach growl could be such a wonderful sound.

Now the next problem. The chemo regimens that would help me beat this cancer all had one of the drugs that I could not take. There was a big problem. We have chemo but you can’t take it. Now there is a great dilemma. It just so happened that there was a national cancer seminar at University of Penn, and my oncologist was to speak. Instead, he used my case as an example. He asked 80 oncologists what some good options are.

A research physician from Stanford was there and recommended a chemo program called the Stanford Five. Five chemo medications that you could take every week for 12 weeks. Every week the patient takes 4 chemo drugs, when you come across the one you can’t, you alternate with the next one in that category. At the time, it wasn’t used in the east, as far as we know I was the first.

Well, I did get sick at times, with many mouth sores and nausea. I did lose my hair. There were days that I felt half-human. I could not live day to day as some suggested. I was too weak at times to think. What got me through the treatments was by focusing on a date months down the road when all this pain and sickness would be over. Once I had a long-range goal, it helped by taking the focus of today’s pain focusing on how the Lord could use these experiences to speak to others about their situations. I had to have twelve chemo treatments. About three days after my 11^th treatment and about 3 days before my last chemo treatment, I developed blood clots in my arm related to the PIC line that was in place for chemo treatments. Again, I was hospitalized for a few days.

After the chemo treatments the tumor, which was the size of a baseball, was now about the size of a golf ball. So then, radiation treatments were scheduled. I had 5 weeks of radiation therapy. That went okay until the fourth week when I developed an upper respiratory infection with an extremely high fever. Once again, I was hospitalized for a couple of days.

By this point, it does get discouraging. It seemed on one hand that every time things looked up, something would happen to dampen the positive. It gets easy to question God and second-guess yourself. However, thank God that there is still a small voice, that even though I was weak, and my faith ebbed and flowed, God never wavered. He never once said why are you questioning me. He never once said, I am turning my back on you because you are not listening. He never once said, you’re getting what you deserve. What he did do is walk beside me hand in hand in spite of myself. He carried me even when I didn’t want to be carried. Even when the waters got deep and muddy, he didn’t take me out of the water, but he did walk with me through them.

Now as I approach my 5-year point of being cancer free, I wish I could tell you that everything has been wonderful. I cannot say that. There were times when I felt God was distant. There were times when I felt that important people in my life had abandoned me. There were times when I felt like nobody really cares. There were times when I felt inferior or even guilty because I was a cancer survivor. However, God is so good that he blesses even when you may not deserve it. There is absolutely no substitution for a personal relationship to a God who would send his son to earth so that you could have a personal relationship with a personal savior.

If you are going through difficult struggles or unusual circumstances, please realize that you are not alone and that you do not have to go it alone. The Lord God in heaven, desires to reach out and lend his loving hand of support. If the same God who created the universe can rescue me, a struggling, bumbling excuse for a human, then he most certainly can assist you in your plight. My cancer was real. My Treatments were real. My Hospitalizations were real. However, my God is even more real and personal.

Isaiah 43:2 When thou passest through the waters, I will be with thee; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee: when thou walkest through the fire, thou shalt not be burned; neither shall the flame kindle upon thee.